So I’ve Been Thinking…

Photo and caption by myself 🙂

You know that indignant feeling you get when someone has wronged you? That feeling that rises up inside you and can control you in either a negative or positive way? I’ve been thinking a lot today and I’ve come to some conclusions…

What’s inside that feeling? Let’s dissect it. I think the heart of it is anger…but then again, isn’t anger and sadness really one in the same? Isn’t sadness just suppressed anger and anger is sadness that is coming to the surface? What else? I think that this feeling is like an equation…but what comes after the equal sign? That’s the real question.

Many times in the past, that feeling has gotten the best of me…made me act out of the anger inside of it…but that can be good too. I think that anger is a natural feeling and when controlled, has a very important role in life. Anger makes a person not just roll over and let someone punch them; it makes you fight back. I believe all feelings are natural…it’s what you do with them that counts.

So what do you do when that feeling comes up inside you? I’ll tell you what I have done many times but what I decided NOT to let happen today. I usually let it control me and my feelings. But isn’t that giving the person who caused it just a little too much power? In a way, isn’t that kind of unfair to them? NO ONE should have that much control over your life. If they do, you need to figure out why. YOU are the ONLY person who has that much control over your life.

You. Period.

You are all the happiness you will ever need. You are in control of your feelings and your response to those feelings. If someone has come into your life (and if they haven’t yet, they will) and you are letting their actions/non-actions control how you feel, you shouldn’t be angry at them; you should be angry at YOU. Sure, whatever he/she did may have been really bad but it’s YOUR life. You decide how you’re going to live and feel about it.

I got that feeling today and I almost acted negatively. But then…that stirring anger came up inside me and I felt it say, “NO. No one will have this much control over my day.” I put a stop to it. And you know what? I had a pretty damn good day as a result of it. And now here I am writing this post about it…hopefully helping the 3 people who read my blog. 😉

So, next time you get that feeling, remember it’s a good thing. The anger and the sadness, it’s all good. Let it be your guide but make sure you remember that what’s on the other side of the equal sign is a positive. That’s up to you. Life’s gonna throw all kinds of stuff at you. You get to decide how you take it.

Be happy, everyone. You only have one life.

 

My Apartment: An Active War Zone

Roaches BEWARE

I hate going to my apartment after dark because there are GIANT roaches that wait outside on the concrete steps.  There are 30 or so steps that I have to take down to my apartment.  I see it as a war zone and I am the enemy.  I think one day that I will have to strap roach fogger spray to my body and run up and down those stairs until I’ve killed them all and I’ve passed out from the fumes.  I hate roaches.  I think they should all die a slow, painful death.

So, the other night I was moving stuff into my apartment and I start coming down the stairs with my first load.  I see one on the stairs…looking at me.  His disgusting roach gaze met me.  I thought of turning back.  But alas, I had about 7 more trips from my car to my apartment and I decided I wasn’t going to let this evil villain stop me from accomplishing the task at hand.  So I marched forward.  He turned and watched me as I went.  I could feel him staring at me.  And then I rounded the corner.  He must have called for backup because his nastier and MUCH larger friend was waiting for me.  I panicked…backing into the corner…but then realized that there could be one behind me too.  Then the rage came up inside of me.  Like that moment in The Patriot where Mel Gibson goes into a fury and slaughters all those enemy soldiers.  That was me.  There was death in my eyes.  I took off a shoe and threw it at the monster.  I was still scared though and so my shaky throw intended to smash and kill the giant monster missed him…but I scared him.  He felt my fury and he ran.
I took my load inside and made my way back out and up those steps, this time with a little more fire in my step.  As I walked toward these nasty creatures, they scattered away from me.  I felt myself becoming more and more confident.  After the 3rd trip, I realized 2 things:

1. Roaches are more afraid of me than I am of them.
2. The more of a commotion I make when they are near, the more afraid they become and the faster they run away.

So, each and every time I came down those stairs, I jumped and made a big commotion and the little bastards ran away…until the 5th trip…one met me in the middle of the sidewalk.  I couldn’t go around him and my commotion didn’t seem to bother him.  It was a battle of wills.  He was turned to his side and as I got closer to him, I felt a tinge of fear and I hesitated.  He felt it too and he turned toward me.  There we were, looking at each other for a split second.  Someone had to make a choice.  So I did it.  I smashed the evil demon under my foot.  I then moved my foot and looked at what I had done.  He laid there, twitching in pain.  I thought about leaving him there the way he was but I wanted to send a message to his militia.  And this is no stretch of the truth.  I actually did this.  I smashed him as hard as I could under my foot, then looked down and made sure that he was no longer recognizable as a living thing.  Then I looked down to the 30 or so steps ahead of me and I saw the rest of his force and I said out loud, “Let that be a lesson to you all.”  And I meant it.

No other roach came anywhere near me the rest of the night.  I used to fear their deathly stares but now they fear ME.  So, for all of you roaches out there, beware.  I have a vendetta to kill you all.  And this first death was only a lesson.  The rest of you will not be so lucky to die in such a humane way…

Penguins Can Fly?

I recently visited the Georgia Aquarium.  I love that place.  I could sit there all day staring at those fish 🙂

Something else I could watch all day…PEOPLE.  People are so interesting.  I am a lover of humor and I find the natural things people do quite humorous.  So, I’m at the Georgia Aquarium and I’m watching the penguins (yay penguins!).  I overhear these 2 know-it-alls conversing.  They’re going back and forth about stuff they obviously have no idea about (I’m chuckling to myself).  The penguins are wearing these little beads on their wing (pictured).  I don’t know what it’s for but I assume it is some type of marker so they can tell the penguins apart.  I make a joke that the penguins are wearing little bracelets.  Know-it-all number 1 (I will here on out refer to her as “Dumber” of the Dumb and Dumber duet) decides to answer me with her brilliant knowledge of all things penguin.  Dumber says, “That’s so that they can’t fly away.”

…o_O

First of all, the penguins are in a glass enclosure indoors.  Second, PENGUINS CAN’T FLY!  Hahahaha!

I laughed so hard.  Thank you Dumb and Dumber for making my trip to the Georgia Aquarium awesome.  Besides the ginormous whale shark, the icky octopus and the sea dragon, you were one of my favorite experiences of the day.

Photos

Jelly Fish

Fishies 🙂

More Fishies 🙂

So yeah…I’m 33…

This is Brutus, my buddy. He got all dressed up for my 30th birthday 🙂

Since turning 20, I’ve always had weirdness around my birthday.  I don’t like getting older so I see my birthday as a reminder that it’s out of my hands and there’s nothing I can do about it…the number keeps going up.  You know what though?  I was looking at a photo of myself from a few years ago and I look better now than I did then!  Why spoil my birthday with yucky thoughts about getting older?  So let’s be positive about aging.  There’s nothing we can do about it anyway so let’s be happy.

Getting older has its advantages too, you know.  Here are some good things about getting older:

1. This rule is not hard-and-fast but usually you gain wisdom with age…although I know some pretty dumb older people…so that’s why I say it’s not for sure…usually.  If you aren’t getting wiser with age, maybe you need to read more or take some ginkgo biloba (does that stuff really work?).  Get that brain working – a non-working brain cannot gain wisdom.
2. Eating cake.  Every birthday you get a piece of cake…now, the older you get, the less acceptable it is to eat a giant piece of cake.  Plus, with all that dieting and exercise you have to do because you’re getting older, you get a much deserved piece of cake…ahem…or two.  Now, this doesn’t have anything to do with old age.  Even the toddler gets to smash a piece of cake into his face on his special day so enjoy it until the day your teeth fall out…and then eat the icing.
3. People usually become forgetful as they get older.  This has to be the best one I would think.  Let’s say you’re not forgetful yet…but people your age usually are…lean on that.  It will get you out of a lot of trouble (wink, wink).
4. Reading glasses.  I just visited the eye doctor last week and she told me that once I turn 40, I will need glasses to read close up.  This doesn’t excite me at all…but for all of you dumb folks out there without any wisdom…this COULD give you the appearance of intelligence.  So that’s good.
5. Your own personal holiday.  Don’t fall under the assumption that just because 20,000,000 other people were born on the same day as you that this day doesn’t belong to you.  And if you work in an office where you share a birthday, duke it out ahead of time.  We all need our special holiday.  Don’t share.  It’s the only day you can be selfish and no one can say anything.

That’s it.  The world as I see it.  Be happy everybody…and a little selfish too 😉

Elevator Ghost…

This is definitely mean but I also couldn’t stop laughing.  Everyone needs a good laugh now and then…I don’t usually like to laugh at someone else’s expense but this is too damn funny not to share.

By the way – apparently this prank scared some of these people so badly that they are suing.

Starbucks Epiphany

Define: You

I’m sitting in Starbucks now, watching a man outside in a wheelchair.  He is paralyzed from the neck down. His wheelchair is motorized and he controls it by blowing into a breathing tube.  He has a computer in front of him and he is typing by holding a long stick (for lack of a better word) in his mouth and typing on his keyboard.  His mother (or caregiver) is there, taking care of him.  Every once in a while, she gets up and helps him to take a sip of his drink.  Such love.  Such dedication.  She is reading a book but also looks around at the people staring at her son.  I see that she’s okay with people looking but if someone looked upon him with anything negative, I can tell that she is the kind of woman who would have something to say to that person…and rightly so.

I wonder how he got that way?  So sad but he has adapted.  His mother has also adapted.  When she had a son, did she imagine it to be this way?  Most parents imagine taking care of their children until they are old enough to take care of themselves.  But this man will never be able to take care of himself.  He will always need her there.  I wonder if that makes her angry in a way or if she loves to take care of him.  She is stern.  I usually would interpret that as someone who is unhappy but maybe she is just strong-willed and it is showing up on her face.  She has been through a lot.  One thing is true: She LOVES her son.

I looked at his face as I walked by.  I can tell he is a handsome man.  I’m sure he probably wanted to be married one day, to love someone, to start a family.  But now his reality is sitting in that chair.  But what else?  Does his chair define him?  He didn’t look sad.  He didn’t look distraught or unhappy in any way.  He looked content.  There is something to be learned from these two…

First of all, stop complaining.  No matter how bad you think you have it, someone somewhere has it worse than you.  Maybe I have it better than this man typing on a keyboard with a stick but at the same time, he can also look out and see that he has it better off than someone else.  It’s perspective.  Maybe I think I am better off than him because I have full use of my body.  But what type of peace and love does he feel in his own life?  What I see as negative, maybe he doesn’t see that way.  Maybe he could look at me and believe he is better off than me?

Second, your life isn’t always going to turn out the way you thought it would.  Does that mean that life is over?  Over because your perfect life plan didn’t turn out the way you thought it would? No.  You adapt.  Sometimes your life is headed the way you direct it and others, it may be pushed a certain way by God, fate or circumstances beyond your control.  But what do you do when things are beyond your control or you are pushed?  Adapt.  We, as human beings have a great ability to adapt…and not only adapt, but SHINE.  So, your life isn’t what you thought it would be…get on with it.  There is reason and purpose for everything.  You aren’t dead yet so keep fighting.  Don’t give up.

Don’t define yourself by anything negative, ever.  It won’t help you.  It will only hurt you in the long run.  For years, I have called myself a sinner.  But recently, I am opening my mind a little more and seeing things in a new light.  I am NOT a sinner.  I sin but sinning does NOT define me.  Therefore, I am a good person, a person full of good and positive.  Yes, I sin, lie, cheat, speak hateful words at times, make bad decisions, etc.  But is that who I am or are those things just byproducts of weak moments in my life?  Am I a liar?  No.  Do I lie?  Yes.  What defines me?  Compassion, empathy, trust, honesty, faith, loyalty, LOVE.

Watching this young man and his mother today, I can’t help but wonder how each of them would define themselves.  I wonder if they both have peace with the way their life is or if it is a constant battle.  I pray for them now that they will see the beauty of what they have and that peace will find them if they have not found it yet.

What defines you?  It’s something to think about.

Related article: http://www.drphil.com/articles/article/73

Her Sweater

Me and my mom

She wraps her arms around me every day with her warmth.
Cream colored and soft, just like her skin.
Warm, just like her heart.
Taking care of me, just like she always did.
I shiver and she is there to keep me warm.
I cry and she is there to wipe my tears.
She wore this sweater many times and now I wear it every day.
Memories of her fill the air.
Beautiful woman she was…on the outside, yes, but her heart was her true beauty.
A diamond among women.
I am so honored to call her “Mom.”

Love, your baby.

The Music of Rain

 

It has been raining here, in Georgia for hours and I love it.  I’ve been sitting out on my balcony for hours, listening and thinking.  A constant, steady rain, one that brings me comfort.  It’s something about the white noise it creates.  That got me to thinking…

You may or may not know that I LOVE music.  I wish there was a better word but LOVE (yes, in all caps) will have to do.  I always have a song stuck in my head at any given moment of the day and I’m usually singing or humming it.  I’ve been sitting out here for hours, listening to music off and on and I just realized that the reason I love this rain so much is because my mind translates it as music.  My favorite part is the occasional thunder.  It’s like a drum.  It’s beautiful and calming.

That’s all.  My posts have been so serious lately so just to thank you for reading this, I’ll give you some interesting questions to ponder.

• Why do they call it a hamburger if there is no ham in it?
• Why is “abbreviated” such a long word?
• Why is lemon juice made with artificial flavor and dishwashing liquid made with real lemons?
• If nothing ever sticks to TEFLON, how do they make TEFLON stick to the pan?
• Can a stupid person be a smart-ass?
• Why is it considered necessary to nail down the lid of a coffin?
• Why is the time of day with the slowest traffic called rush hour?
• Why isn’t there mouse flavored cat food?
• Why are there flotation devices under plane seats instead of parachutes?
• You know that little indestructible black box that is used on planes, why can’t they make the whole plane out of the same substance?
• If a 7-11 is open 24 hours a day, 365 days a year, why are there locks on the doors?

 

Benefits to Second Floor Apartment Life

The balcony at our new apartment: I’m in love. We’re on the 2nd floor and it overlooks a hill covered in trees. It makes me feel like I live in a cozy treehouse, not and apartment next to a busy highway.
What a stress reliever this spot has become in my life. At my old house, I lived by a lake and that lake was my stress reliever. I would go sit out on a rock there and literally feel my worries melting away. I was worried about not having something like this when I moved but now I have this balcony. Oh, and I don’t have to worry about snakes to get there!
Nature is just so calming, like a soothing balm to my stresses. I can come out here with the weight of the world on my shoulders and within 5 minutes, feel them melting away like ice on a sunny day.
What place/activity helps you to de-stress?

My Loves

I LOVE Strawberry Daiquiri!

Yeah, I love a new pair of shoes just like any girl.  I love to shop and have girly pampering days…but what makes me really happy?  All that is fun, but it doesn’t set my heart on fire.  What do I really love that defines me?

• I love that feeling of the sun resting on my skin, warming me from the inside out…a happy feeling.
• I love the sound the earth makes when I’m hiking.  You know, that crunch, crunch, crunch.
• I love the way October smells.  I can’t pinpoint it but every year I notice it and it brings back memories of a simpler time when I didn’t have as many worries.
• I love my dad.  Being with him makes me feel like a little girl again.  He makes me feel safe.
• Weirdly, I love the empty spot left in my heart after my mom passed.  It’s meant to be empty and it’s meant to hurt.  That means she did a good job.
• I love Christmas music.  I have been known to listen to it all year round.  On a bad day, a chorus of “I’ll Be Home For Christmas” can change everything.
• My newest love: Photography.
• I love hearts.  They make me happy.
• I love music.  LOVE.
• My favorite thing to do on Saturday morning is sit outside, listening to the sounds and sipping my coffee.
• Coffee.  Another love.  Enough said.
• I love the sound of a cat purring.
• I love that feeling I get in my stomach when I’m about to see someone I haven’t seen in a long time.
• Candle lit bubble baths.
• I love to read a book for the first time and get to that part where it’s so good that I can’t put it down.
• I love the feeling I get after I work out.  I feel exhausted but strong all at the same time and like I can conquer the world.

These are just a few of the things I love.  Some may be unique, some not so much.  But they make me “me.”  What do you love?