So I’ve Been Thinking…

Photo and caption by myself 🙂

You know that indignant feeling you get when someone has wronged you? That feeling that rises up inside you and can control you in either a negative or positive way? I’ve been thinking a lot today and I’ve come to some conclusions…

What’s inside that feeling? Let’s dissect it. I think the heart of it is anger…but then again, isn’t anger and sadness really one in the same? Isn’t sadness just suppressed anger and anger is sadness that is coming to the surface? What else? I think that this feeling is like an equation…but what comes after the equal sign? That’s the real question.

Many times in the past, that feeling has gotten the best of me…made me act out of the anger inside of it…but that can be good too. I think that anger is a natural feeling and when controlled, has a very important role in life. Anger makes a person not just roll over and let someone punch them; it makes you fight back. I believe all feelings are natural…it’s what you do with them that counts.

So what do you do when that feeling comes up inside you? I’ll tell you what I have done many times but what I decided NOT to let happen today. I usually let it control me and my feelings. But isn’t that giving the person who caused it just a little too much power? In a way, isn’t that kind of unfair to them? NO ONE should have that much control over your life. If they do, you need to figure out why. YOU are the ONLY person who has that much control over your life.

You. Period.

You are all the happiness you will ever need. You are in control of your feelings and your response to those feelings. If someone has come into your life (and if they haven’t yet, they will) and you are letting their actions/non-actions control how you feel, you shouldn’t be angry at them; you should be angry at YOU. Sure, whatever he/she did may have been really bad but it’s YOUR life. You decide how you’re going to live and feel about it.

I got that feeling today and I almost acted negatively. But then…that stirring anger came up inside me and I felt it say, “NO. No one will have this much control over my day.” I put a stop to it. And you know what? I had a pretty damn good day as a result of it. And now here I am writing this post about it…hopefully helping the 3 people who read my blog. 😉

So, next time you get that feeling, remember it’s a good thing. The anger and the sadness, it’s all good. Let it be your guide but make sure you remember that what’s on the other side of the equal sign is a positive. That’s up to you. Life’s gonna throw all kinds of stuff at you. You get to decide how you take it.

Be happy, everyone. You only have one life.

 

My Apartment: An Active War Zone

Roaches BEWARE

I hate going to my apartment after dark because there are GIANT roaches that wait outside on the concrete steps.  There are 30 or so steps that I have to take down to my apartment.  I see it as a war zone and I am the enemy.  I think one day that I will have to strap roach fogger spray to my body and run up and down those stairs until I’ve killed them all and I’ve passed out from the fumes.  I hate roaches.  I think they should all die a slow, painful death.

So, the other night I was moving stuff into my apartment and I start coming down the stairs with my first load.  I see one on the stairs…looking at me.  His disgusting roach gaze met me.  I thought of turning back.  But alas, I had about 7 more trips from my car to my apartment and I decided I wasn’t going to let this evil villain stop me from accomplishing the task at hand.  So I marched forward.  He turned and watched me as I went.  I could feel him staring at me.  And then I rounded the corner.  He must have called for backup because his nastier and MUCH larger friend was waiting for me.  I panicked…backing into the corner…but then realized that there could be one behind me too.  Then the rage came up inside of me.  Like that moment in The Patriot where Mel Gibson goes into a fury and slaughters all those enemy soldiers.  That was me.  There was death in my eyes.  I took off a shoe and threw it at the monster.  I was still scared though and so my shaky throw intended to smash and kill the giant monster missed him…but I scared him.  He felt my fury and he ran.
I took my load inside and made my way back out and up those steps, this time with a little more fire in my step.  As I walked toward these nasty creatures, they scattered away from me.  I felt myself becoming more and more confident.  After the 3rd trip, I realized 2 things:

1. Roaches are more afraid of me than I am of them.
2. The more of a commotion I make when they are near, the more afraid they become and the faster they run away.

So, each and every time I came down those stairs, I jumped and made a big commotion and the little bastards ran away…until the 5th trip…one met me in the middle of the sidewalk.  I couldn’t go around him and my commotion didn’t seem to bother him.  It was a battle of wills.  He was turned to his side and as I got closer to him, I felt a tinge of fear and I hesitated.  He felt it too and he turned toward me.  There we were, looking at each other for a split second.  Someone had to make a choice.  So I did it.  I smashed the evil demon under my foot.  I then moved my foot and looked at what I had done.  He laid there, twitching in pain.  I thought about leaving him there the way he was but I wanted to send a message to his militia.  And this is no stretch of the truth.  I actually did this.  I smashed him as hard as I could under my foot, then looked down and made sure that he was no longer recognizable as a living thing.  Then I looked down to the 30 or so steps ahead of me and I saw the rest of his force and I said out loud, “Let that be a lesson to you all.”  And I meant it.

No other roach came anywhere near me the rest of the night.  I used to fear their deathly stares but now they fear ME.  So, for all of you roaches out there, beware.  I have a vendetta to kill you all.  And this first death was only a lesson.  The rest of you will not be so lucky to die in such a humane way…

When Your World Stops Turning

Some questions don’t have answers.

“Wisdom is nothing more than healed pain.”
~Robert Gary Lee

It’s crazy how life can change so much in what feels like the blink of an eye. Life is never perfect but when things are going great, it can feel that way at times…but things can quickly change and make your world stop turning. You look around at everyone else still going about their lives and you wonder how they can keep going when your world has stopped spinning.

But what does it all mean? Why are we “allowed” to go through these hard times that seem to break us into a million pieces? Some of us never recover from these difficulties…why? Why would a loving God allow this? Be honest. You have asked yourself this question. Even the person with the strongest faith has asked this question at some time in their life…and if you haven’t, you will. Is it a bad thing to question? No. Questioning is a very good thing. It allows you to work through everything. Soul searching is good. It puts strength behind your faith and your beliefs. Don’t push it away or deny its existence. Question. But also realize that some questions don’t have answers…or maybe the answers are something you will never know. Are you willing to accept that?

One year ago today at 12:24am, my mom passed away unexpectedly. I found myself asking why? I still do. I don’t understand why such a good person was allowed to die in such an awful way when there are horrible people who live to be 100. WHY? I don’t have answers. I suppose I never will until I see God face-to-face and then all will be revealed. But I trust Him. He loved my mama. And although she had pains that lasted for a short while, she is now in paradise with the One she read about and loved all her life…a promise fulfilled. The circumstances surrounding it I don’t understand. But I know that she will never suffer again. She will never cry again, never want for anything, never feel the pain of a broken heart again, never feel any pain in her body again, never be hurt by another person. Ever. I love my sweet mama and although I miss her, there is nothing better I could wish for her. The most unselfish part of me is truly happy for her now. She has a new body and she is with the One the Bible describes simply as “Love” (1 John 4:8).

Then why these tears? Why am I still sad? Why was I left behind to feel the pain that she doesn’t experience? Truthfully, I don’t know. And honestly, I have asked many times between that awful day and today for God to take me too. But God still has purpose for me. What doesn’t kill me only makes me stronger. God loves me and has a plan that only He knows and only I can play out. Keep asking why though and don’t see it as a bad thing. Let it strengthen you as you work through it all. Life is a process. Just decide that no matter what happens, you will never allow it to permanently bring you down. Learn from it all, the positive and the negative. And whether you believe in God or not, choose to be love in a world full of hate.

I Am My Mother’s Daughter

Who am I?
I am brave.
I am a free spirit.
I am beautifully imperfect.
I am loving.
I am wonderfully weird.
I am a daydreamer.
I am real…what you see is what you get.
I am my mother’s daughter.
– Jane Emily

Yesterday I was in a store and I walked past a mirror and had to do a double take. I look so much like my mom that I thought I was seeing her for a moment. Looking back, I realize I WAS seeing her. Her beautiful face looks out through my own. We share so many of the same features. What a gift that was given to me. Now, when I am missing her, all I have to do is look in the mirror because there she is, looking right back at me. She left her mark on my life in so many ways. She taught me what it means to love with abandon. Love without expecting anything in return. What a beautiful legacy. I AM MY MOTHER’S DAUGHTER.

Merry Christmas, everyone!  I hope you have a blessed holiday and a happy new year!  Don’t let your circumstances define your happiness.  Happiness lives within you.

 

Elevator Ghost…

This is definitely mean but I also couldn’t stop laughing.  Everyone needs a good laugh now and then…I don’t usually like to laugh at someone else’s expense but this is too damn funny not to share.

By the way – apparently this prank scared some of these people so badly that they are suing.

Starbucks Epiphany

Define: You

I’m sitting in Starbucks now, watching a man outside in a wheelchair.  He is paralyzed from the neck down. His wheelchair is motorized and he controls it by blowing into a breathing tube.  He has a computer in front of him and he is typing by holding a long stick (for lack of a better word) in his mouth and typing on his keyboard.  His mother (or caregiver) is there, taking care of him.  Every once in a while, she gets up and helps him to take a sip of his drink.  Such love.  Such dedication.  She is reading a book but also looks around at the people staring at her son.  I see that she’s okay with people looking but if someone looked upon him with anything negative, I can tell that she is the kind of woman who would have something to say to that person…and rightly so.

I wonder how he got that way?  So sad but he has adapted.  His mother has also adapted.  When she had a son, did she imagine it to be this way?  Most parents imagine taking care of their children until they are old enough to take care of themselves.  But this man will never be able to take care of himself.  He will always need her there.  I wonder if that makes her angry in a way or if she loves to take care of him.  She is stern.  I usually would interpret that as someone who is unhappy but maybe she is just strong-willed and it is showing up on her face.  She has been through a lot.  One thing is true: She LOVES her son.

I looked at his face as I walked by.  I can tell he is a handsome man.  I’m sure he probably wanted to be married one day, to love someone, to start a family.  But now his reality is sitting in that chair.  But what else?  Does his chair define him?  He didn’t look sad.  He didn’t look distraught or unhappy in any way.  He looked content.  There is something to be learned from these two…

First of all, stop complaining.  No matter how bad you think you have it, someone somewhere has it worse than you.  Maybe I have it better than this man typing on a keyboard with a stick but at the same time, he can also look out and see that he has it better off than someone else.  It’s perspective.  Maybe I think I am better off than him because I have full use of my body.  But what type of peace and love does he feel in his own life?  What I see as negative, maybe he doesn’t see that way.  Maybe he could look at me and believe he is better off than me?

Second, your life isn’t always going to turn out the way you thought it would.  Does that mean that life is over?  Over because your perfect life plan didn’t turn out the way you thought it would? No.  You adapt.  Sometimes your life is headed the way you direct it and others, it may be pushed a certain way by God, fate or circumstances beyond your control.  But what do you do when things are beyond your control or you are pushed?  Adapt.  We, as human beings have a great ability to adapt…and not only adapt, but SHINE.  So, your life isn’t what you thought it would be…get on with it.  There is reason and purpose for everything.  You aren’t dead yet so keep fighting.  Don’t give up.

Don’t define yourself by anything negative, ever.  It won’t help you.  It will only hurt you in the long run.  For years, I have called myself a sinner.  But recently, I am opening my mind a little more and seeing things in a new light.  I am NOT a sinner.  I sin but sinning does NOT define me.  Therefore, I am a good person, a person full of good and positive.  Yes, I sin, lie, cheat, speak hateful words at times, make bad decisions, etc.  But is that who I am or are those things just byproducts of weak moments in my life?  Am I a liar?  No.  Do I lie?  Yes.  What defines me?  Compassion, empathy, trust, honesty, faith, loyalty, LOVE.

Watching this young man and his mother today, I can’t help but wonder how each of them would define themselves.  I wonder if they both have peace with the way their life is or if it is a constant battle.  I pray for them now that they will see the beauty of what they have and that peace will find them if they have not found it yet.

What defines you?  It’s something to think about.

Related article: http://www.drphil.com/articles/article/73

More Weight Loss Secrets

I was just thinking about a few of the things I do to help me continue with self-control in this dieting that is my life.  If you’re in your early 20s or younger, this post may not be for you because you can probably still eat whatever you want.  However, save this link for when you turn 28 – you’ll need it later.

Okay, so the scenario is you have just finished eating dinner.  What do I do when I have just finished eating my healthy dinner and I want to start snacking?  BRUSH MY TEETH.  No joke.  This requires a little bit of self-control so muster up everything you have and push yourself into that bathroom, get out that toothbrush and brush those pearly whites.  It’s like a switch gets flipped inside me every time.  EVERY TIME.  Seriously, I get that minty taste in my mouth and get the taste of food out and I’m satisfied.  If you are not in a place where you can brush your teeth, get a piece of MINT gum.  If that still isn’t enough, I suggest some hot tea.  My favorites are Pineapple Camomile, Vanilla Caramel and Coconut.  The warm inside of your tummy also helps to trick your body into feeling satisfied.

Most importantly, drink lots of water.  I drink a minimum of 12 eight ounce glasses of water per day.  I always gulp down 2 full glasses right before dinner – another way of making your stomach tell your brain you are full.  Remember that it takes about 20 minutes for your brain to send a message to your stomach that you are full and usually by then it’s too late if you are over eating.  DRINK WATER!

Another good rule of thumb is to make sure not to eat too late at night.  I have been guilty of this lately and it really slows you down in so many ways.  It takes me longer to fall asleep and slows down my weight loss.  The reason it makes it impossible to sleep is because it takes energy for your body to digest food.  So, you eat a late dinner, get ready for bed and try to sleep…why can’t you sleep?  Your body is actually in a “workout” state trying to digest that meal you just ingested.  I recommend eating dinner no later than 7pm (6pm or earlier is ideal).

Side note: I’m really not trying to lose that much more but I’m pretty sure there’s not a girl out there who wouldn’t mind shedding a few inches.

After a while of practicing self-control, your stomach will shrink and you will lose your cravings.  Truly, you will – I promise.  I have not deviated from my diet plan in 7 weeks now.  NOT ONCE.  I’m completely satisfied and my stomach has shrunk so much that an apple makes me feel full!

Well that’s all for now!  Just a few tidbits to those of you who need a little advice.

The best advice I can give you is this:
If you mess up, don’t beat yourself up.  You need the positive reinforcement of your mind so don’t be overly hard on yourself.  Realize that you are human and tomorrow is a new day.  You can do this.  I promise.  If you would like advice on how to lose or just need someone to help keep you accountable, email me (janeyb7807@yahoo.com) or comment here.  I’ve done this twice now (thyroid issues).  I feel your pain.  BUT I am here to tell you it is possible.  Just believe in yourself and look at all the others out there who have already achieved their weight loss goals.  Let them be your mentors.

Her Sweater

Me and my mom

She wraps her arms around me every day with her warmth.
Cream colored and soft, just like her skin.
Warm, just like her heart.
Taking care of me, just like she always did.
I shiver and she is there to keep me warm.
I cry and she is there to wipe my tears.
She wore this sweater many times and now I wear it every day.
Memories of her fill the air.
Beautiful woman she was…on the outside, yes, but her heart was her true beauty.
A diamond among women.
I am so honored to call her “Mom.”

Love, your baby.

The Music of Rain

 

It has been raining here, in Georgia for hours and I love it.  I’ve been sitting out on my balcony for hours, listening and thinking.  A constant, steady rain, one that brings me comfort.  It’s something about the white noise it creates.  That got me to thinking…

You may or may not know that I LOVE music.  I wish there was a better word but LOVE (yes, in all caps) will have to do.  I always have a song stuck in my head at any given moment of the day and I’m usually singing or humming it.  I’ve been sitting out here for hours, listening to music off and on and I just realized that the reason I love this rain so much is because my mind translates it as music.  My favorite part is the occasional thunder.  It’s like a drum.  It’s beautiful and calming.

That’s all.  My posts have been so serious lately so just to thank you for reading this, I’ll give you some interesting questions to ponder.

• Why do they call it a hamburger if there is no ham in it?
• Why is “abbreviated” such a long word?
• Why is lemon juice made with artificial flavor and dishwashing liquid made with real lemons?
• If nothing ever sticks to TEFLON, how do they make TEFLON stick to the pan?
• Can a stupid person be a smart-ass?
• Why is it considered necessary to nail down the lid of a coffin?
• Why is the time of day with the slowest traffic called rush hour?
• Why isn’t there mouse flavored cat food?
• Why are there flotation devices under plane seats instead of parachutes?
• You know that little indestructible black box that is used on planes, why can’t they make the whole plane out of the same substance?
• If a 7-11 is open 24 hours a day, 365 days a year, why are there locks on the doors?

 

Benefits to Second Floor Apartment Life

The balcony at our new apartment: I’m in love. We’re on the 2nd floor and it overlooks a hill covered in trees. It makes me feel like I live in a cozy treehouse, not and apartment next to a busy highway.
What a stress reliever this spot has become in my life. At my old house, I lived by a lake and that lake was my stress reliever. I would go sit out on a rock there and literally feel my worries melting away. I was worried about not having something like this when I moved but now I have this balcony. Oh, and I don’t have to worry about snakes to get there!
Nature is just so calming, like a soothing balm to my stresses. I can come out here with the weight of the world on my shoulders and within 5 minutes, feel them melting away like ice on a sunny day.
What place/activity helps you to de-stress?