Tag Archives: Holidays

So yeah…I’m 33…

This is Brutus, my buddy.  He got dressed up for my 30th birthday :)

This is Brutus, my buddy. He got all dressed up for my 30th birthday 🙂

Since turning 20, I’ve always had weirdness around my birthday.  I don’t like getting older so I see my birthday as a reminder that it’s out of my hands and there’s nothing I can do about it…the number keeps going up.  You know what though?  I was looking at a photo of myself from a few years ago and I look better now than I did then!  Why spoil my birthday with yucky thoughts about getting older?  So let’s be positive about aging.  There’s nothing we can do about it anyway so let’s be happy.

Getting older has its advantages too, you know.  Here are some good things about getting older:

  1. This rule is not hard-and-fast but usually you gain wisdom with age…although I know some pretty dumb older people…so that’s why I say it’s not for sure…usually.  If you aren’t getting wiser with age, maybe you need to read more or take some ginkgo biloba (does that stuff really work?).  Get that brain working – a non-working brain cannot gain wisdom.
  2. Eating cake.  Every birthday you get a piece of cake…now, the older you get, the less acceptable it is to eat a giant piece of cake.  Plus, with all that dieting and exercise you have to do because you’re getting older, you get a much deserved piece of cake…ahem…or two.  Now, this doesn’t have anything to do with old age.  Even the toddler gets to smash a piece of cake into his face on his special day so enjoy it until the day your teeth fall out…and then eat the icing.
  3. People usually become forgetful as they get older.  This has to be the best one I would think.  Let’s say you’re not forgetful yet…but people your age usually are…lean on that.  It will get you out of a lot of trouble (wink, wink).
  4. Reading glasses.  I just visited the eye doctor last week and she told me that once I turn 40, I will need glasses to read close up.  This doesn’t excite me at all…but for all of you dumb folks out there without any wisdom…this COULD give you the appearance of intelligence.  So that’s good.
  5. Your own personal holiday.  Don’t fall under the assumption that just because 20,000,000 other people were born on the same day as you that this day doesn’t belong to you.  And if you work in an office where you share a birthday, duke it out ahead of time.  We all need our special holiday.  Don’t share.  It’s the only day you can be selfish and no one can say anything.

That’s it.  The world as I see it.  Be happy everybody…and a little selfish too 😉


Jane For President


Today is my Dad’s Birthday (HAPPY BIRTHDAY, DAD!!!) and he has to work.  This got me to thinking…everyone should always get their birthday off.  It should be a law.  Paid holiday.  And if you don’t have a job, the government will send you $20.  This thought made me think even more and I developed a list of laws that I would put into place if I were to be president.

  1. No working on your birthday.
  2. 3 day weekends every week – 2 days is not enough (oh and so that you don’t receive a pay cut because of the extra day off – Friday’s are paid…which makes the phrase TGIF even more meaningful).
  3. Racism is against the law.  Screw free speech (well not all free speech, just the part that allows you to judge others by the color of their skin…free speech is a good thing…please don’t send me hate mail).
  4. Child molesters get the death penalty.  No second chance.  You mess with a child and you’re not allowed to live anymore.  Better get right with God really quick because you’re about to meet Him.
  5. All models who weigh less than 120 pounds will be outlawed.  Sick of seeing their skinny asses on the front of all the magazines.  I will redefine real, natural beauty.  Oh, and no more air brushing.
  6. Men are not allowed to wear skinny jeans.  Sorry guys – not attractive (let the hate mail flow).
  7. Pets can be added to your insurance policies for the same price as a dependent.
  8. Everyone gets a free car every 10 years on their birthday (unless you’re only 10 years old).  This will not be government-funded.  Car manufacturers will be forced to do this as a public service and to keep pollution down.  Free cars for everyone!
  9. Disney World is FREE for everyone one time every 3 years.  Everyone needs to visit the happiest place on earth regardless of whether they can afford it.  Their tickets are so damn expensive, I’m sure they can afford this as a service to the public.
  10. I like to give away free stuff so I think I would give a free unicorn to everyone who voted for me.  If you don’t like unicorns, I’ll give you a dinosaur instead – just let me know your preference.