Tag Archives: skinny jeans

Jane For President


Today is my Dad’s Birthday (HAPPY BIRTHDAY, DAD!!!) and he has to work.  This got me to thinking…everyone should always get their birthday off.  It should be a law.  Paid holiday.  And if you don’t have a job, the government will send you $20.  This thought made me think even more and I developed a list of laws that I would put into place if I were to be president.

  1. No working on your birthday.
  2. 3 day weekends every week – 2 days is not enough (oh and so that you don’t receive a pay cut because of the extra day off – Friday’s are paid…which makes the phrase TGIF even more meaningful).
  3. Racism is against the law.  Screw free speech (well not all free speech, just the part that allows you to judge others by the color of their skin…free speech is a good thing…please don’t send me hate mail).
  4. Child molesters get the death penalty.  No second chance.  You mess with a child and you’re not allowed to live anymore.  Better get right with God really quick because you’re about to meet Him.
  5. All models who weigh less than 120 pounds will be outlawed.  Sick of seeing their skinny asses on the front of all the magazines.  I will redefine real, natural beauty.  Oh, and no more air brushing.
  6. Men are not allowed to wear skinny jeans.  Sorry guys – not attractive (let the hate mail flow).
  7. Pets can be added to your insurance policies for the same price as a dependent.
  8. Everyone gets a free car every 10 years on their birthday (unless you’re only 10 years old).  This will not be government-funded.  Car manufacturers will be forced to do this as a public service and to keep pollution down.  Free cars for everyone!
  9. Disney World is FREE for everyone one time every 3 years.  Everyone needs to visit the happiest place on earth regardless of whether they can afford it.  Their tickets are so damn expensive, I’m sure they can afford this as a service to the public.
  10. I like to give away free stuff so I think I would give a free unicorn to everyone who voted for me.  If you don’t like unicorns, I’ll give you a dinosaur instead – just let me know your preference.