Today is my Dad’s Birthday (HAPPY BIRTHDAY, DAD!!!) and he has to work. This got me to thinking…everyone should always get their birthday off. It should be a law. Paid holiday. And if you don’t have a job, the government will send you $20. This thought made me think even more and I developed a list of laws that I would put into place if I were to be president.
- No working on your birthday.
- 3 day weekends every week – 2 days is not enough (oh and so that you don’t receive a pay cut because of the extra day off – Friday’s are paid…which makes the phrase TGIF even more meaningful).
- Racism is against the law. Screw free speech (well not all free speech, just the part that allows you to judge others by the color of their skin…free speech is a good thing…please don’t send me hate mail).
- Child molesters get the death penalty. No second chance. You mess with a child and you’re not allowed to live anymore. Better get right with God really quick because you’re about to meet Him.
- All models who weigh less than 120 pounds will be outlawed. Sick of seeing their skinny asses on the front of all the magazines. I will redefine real, natural beauty. Oh, and no more air brushing.
- Men are not allowed to wear skinny jeans. Sorry guys – not attractive (let the hate mail flow).
- Pets can be added to your insurance policies for the same price as a dependent.
- Everyone gets a free car every 10 years on their birthday (unless you’re only 10 years old). This will not be government-funded. Car manufacturers will be forced to do this as a public service and to keep pollution down. Free cars for everyone!
- Disney World is FREE for everyone one time every 3 years. Everyone needs to visit the happiest place on earth regardless of whether they can afford it. Their tickets are so damn expensive, I’m sure they can afford this as a service to the public.
- I like to give away free stuff so I think I would give a free unicorn to everyone who voted for me. If you don’t like unicorns, I’ll give you a dinosaur instead – just let me know your preference.
JANE FOR PRESIDENT!!!