Jane For President


Today is my Dad’s Birthday (HAPPY BIRTHDAY, DAD!!!) and he has to work.  This got me to thinking…everyone should always get their birthday off.  It should be a law.  Paid holiday.  And if you don’t have a job, the government will send you $20.  This thought made me think even more and I developed a list of laws that I would put into place if I were to be president.

  1. No working on your birthday.
  2. 3 day weekends every week – 2 days is not enough (oh and so that you don’t receive a pay cut because of the extra day off – Friday’s are paid…which makes the phrase TGIF even more meaningful).
  3. Racism is against the law.  Screw free speech (well not all free speech, just the part that allows you to judge others by the color of their skin…free speech is a good thing…please don’t send me hate mail).
  4. Child molesters get the death penalty.  No second chance.  You mess with a child and you’re not allowed to live anymore.  Better get right with God really quick because you’re about to meet Him.
  5. All models who weigh less than 120 pounds will be outlawed.  Sick of seeing their skinny asses on the front of all the magazines.  I will redefine real, natural beauty.  Oh, and no more air brushing.
  6. Men are not allowed to wear skinny jeans.  Sorry guys – not attractive (let the hate mail flow).
  7. Pets can be added to your insurance policies for the same price as a dependent.
  8. Everyone gets a free car every 10 years on their birthday (unless you’re only 10 years old).  This will not be government-funded.  Car manufacturers will be forced to do this as a public service and to keep pollution down.  Free cars for everyone!
  9. Disney World is FREE for everyone one time every 3 years.  Everyone needs to visit the happiest place on earth regardless of whether they can afford it.  Their tickets are so damn expensive, I’m sure they can afford this as a service to the public.
  10. I like to give away free stuff so I think I would give a free unicorn to everyone who voted for me.  If you don’t like unicorns, I’ll give you a dinosaur instead – just let me know your preference.



9 responses »

  1. Surely 4,5,6 could be lumped together into one omnibus law – the execute child molesters, skinny jeans wearers and waif-like models Bill? That’s gotta save all kinds of time both in the Senate and in the Supreme Court, later.

    There you go. I could be your Attorney General with slick thinking like that.

  2. You have my vote.
    I disagree with the Child molester comment; death penalty is too good for them for stealing innocence. My wife and I really love animals, and it sickens us about animal medical experimentation, she believes that these experiments should be done on un rehabilitated criminals, murderers, rapists and child molesters. Maybe a bit dark for your blog but this really makes my blood boil.
    Also companies should have a tax they have to pay me for the privilege of having me on their books.

    • Totally see your point. I have often thought that they should be tortured to death very slowly. The reason I say death penalty is because a lot of times these people get out of jail and then go do it again. I don’t want them to get the chance. I feel strongly about this too. My mom was molested when she was only 5 years old. Brings up an anger inside of me that I can’t put into words. It was the beginning of a life filled with self loathing and low self worth. I think rapists and molesters should be castrated if not killed. If you can’t use it right, you don’t deserve it. I know women are guilty of this too so I’m thinking up my plan for them too. Maybe chastity belt. Anyway I’m with you. Part of this post was in jest but as you can see, a few of these I was deadly serious about.

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